contractorsfromhell.com

   

1. It’s a professional relationship for them, though it feels deeply personal for you since it’s in your home – keep a professional distance
2. No physical contact, no hugs
3. No long personal conversations
4. Try not to get caught in your underwear, or leave personal clothing lying around
5. Go to a hotel if you can and if you don’t feel the need to supervise
6. Don’t sleep with the contractor or crew
7. Realize that they’re being professional and polite to the client so any compliments or opinions are influenced in that manner
8. Don’t loan them any money or hire their relatives
9. Visit your own friends and have them over when the contractor isn’t around. Keep a life of your own.
10. When the contractor leaves, let go. Don’t try to make the relationship personal no matter what was said at the end of the project. Realize that their livelihood came from you so any personal relationship was influenced by money. You may or may not be friends, just like you have to be friendly to coworkers you don’t like.

 

…More Suggestions for Single Women Handling Contractors

    

  1. Don’t hang out at their office or next job, even if they invite you.
2. Don’t mistake professional courtesy for a deep caring for your personal problems.
3. Don’t use the crew as girlfriends or psychologists
4. Don’t gossip with the crew about your lovelife
5. Don’t attend their family functions, even if they politely invite you; Don’t assume you’re a member of the family
6. Don’t date the crew’s relatives if they are a family-oriented business
7. Don’t start working for the contractor, i.e., doing gratis computer work while the contractor is working for you; Don’t create a project to remain part of the company when they leave
8. Don’t put up with sexual harassment and mistake it for flirting
9. Don’t sexually harass the crew
10. Don’t schedule your day around the crew’s work schedule. Observe, relay your wants and opinions to the lead contractor and get out of the house if possible.
11. Don’t introduce the crew to your 19 year old daughter as if they’re good friends or family
12. Don’t assume you can trust anyone the crew says they are related to without checking out that individual yourself – it could be cousin Joe fresh out of jail
13. Don’t try to become one of their culture – hang on to your own individualism, set your own boundaries
14. Don’t let them bully you into buying more than you want to – such as another extension of a fence that would cost you 3000, but they say would make it “perfect”
15. Hang on to your house; don’t let them take over and call it their house because they’ve done so much work there
16. Don’t go to their parties – unless you want their women to confront you because they’ve talked about you so much
17. Get professional counseling for your psychological problems such as loneliness from empty nest syndrome; don’t use them as your surrogate family from 20 years ago
18. Don’t tell them how much you spend on the things you own, they may think you’re rich and they’re entitled to part of it, even if you worked 35 years to get where you are
19. Listen to your male friends and family’s advice about protecting yourself – they are the ones who love you and will be there long after the contractors have moved on to their next projects (and they understand men better than you do!)
20. Talk to at least one independent male friend about conversations that occur and things they say that you don’t understand; Don’t keep secrets “to protect the contractors” and don’t tell the contractors about that independent male friend – if they are unethical they will reveal themselves because they’re not afraid of you and they think they are the number one males in your life (but you have that ally who will tell you what’s going on and help you when and if you need it)
21. ENJOY THE PEACE AND QUIET!!! THE CONTRACTORS ARE GONE! YOU HAVE YOUR PRIVACY BACK…have a small dinner party for supportive neighbors or friends.

 

 

 

 

Tags: Admin Comments by netwoman666
2 Comments »

My contractor and I aren’t speaking anymore.  A month ago I was invited to a wedding for that family.  My contractor had been talking romantically to me for about 2 weeks before that.  He didn’t expect to see me at the wedding and came strolling in, hand and hand, with his girlfriend.  When he saw me he dropped her hand and ran across the room.  Apparently I walked by him 5X without seeing him, and then I left with a cousin.  The following Monday, when I saw him, he immediately said “She’s not my girlfriend!”  The next day another cousin told me that the contractor had been falling in love with me, but that I had blown it by leaving with the other cousin.

I’m exhausted just writing this.  That was 5 weeks ago.  The past month the contractor has promised to come by 3 times and never shown up. I was compulsively emailing and leaving messages on his phone.  Last week he stopped responding entirely.  I was lucky.  I know how to go cold turkey.

That’s given me some perspective - I don’t want them to show up, and I’ve started doing a lot of things myself again.  I had fallen into a helpless mode where I’d look for help!  So I built a little fence around my hill, replaced a solonoid and rewired some of the valves on my sprinkler system. 

I didn’t sleep with the contractors, that’s about the only thing I did right, I certainly got to close to them due to loneliness and empty nest syndrome.  I loaned them some money, but I have a promissary note and I’ve contacted an attorney who says we can recover the funds.  I’ve given them a deadline and told them not to come to my house.  I’ve told them that their office assistant can deliver the check or they can mail it.  This is a large Mexican family and the last delivery was made by the youngest sister who acted like she wanted to kick my butt.

I was very embarrassed to admit that I’d loaned them some money.  I’m a middle aged lady who was flattered by the attention of young men more than 20 years younger than herself.  I was fat and didn’t date for 10 years.  I lost 50 pounds, my kids just left, and suddenly I had 10 men in my back yard to wait on me.  The attention went to my head.  Hopefully I’ll be able to recover that loan by my deadline.  If not I’ll submit a case to civil court with my attorney, contact the BBB and the CSLB.  Apparently they only attach construction related cases to the contractor’s license but since part of this loan was made as payments on a credit card to their company it can be construed to be construction related.

They never finished all the work, but the things that are left (hanging mirrors, vent in the fireplace) are minor, so I’ll finish them myself.  By the end of the contract they were telling me what to do and running my house, so nobody wanted to help me with my little inside jobs.  I made lists, showed the contractor 3X what I wanted done, but they considered it “girl work” and none of them wanted to come in and help me finish.

As I write this its hard to believe I was so foolish.  I never wanted to be one of those mid-life crisis women who get flattered by a younger man, but I did.  I started writing this as therapy for myself, and with the hope that some other woman would see it and it might help her.

The entire time they were at my house I was sharing all of this with a coworker.  The contractors didn’t know about him, so I was receiving an objective opinion as I became steadily more isolated.  I had a party that my contractor was supposed to come to, but the wedding was a week before and he didn’t show up.  His girlfriend, who had confronted me at the wedding, told me they couldn’t come.  For weeks he had promised to come to my party and he didn’t show.  My coworker was there, though.  I’ve since thanked him for helping me out. 

They gave me a week off from work to straighten my life out as they knew something was wrong.  I was flaking out.  But I work with a group of men who care about me and are very supportive - when I tell them what was going on.  I was ashamed of being so stupid, though, but I knew the only way out was to talk.

I’m not going to have any further physical contact with that contractor and in the stages of grief I’m into the anger phase.  The loan was for over 10000 so it will be a civil court case if it comes to that.  I’ve used credit cards to live on for two months - at the contractor’s suggestion, of course.  We envisioned it as me being the one who finances the beginnings of a great company - like millionaires in the making.  I was going to create a web site for them, too and I’ve given them some free computer service. I ended up working for them!

Luckily, the contractor quit talking to me because I had started to ask him point blank questions about what was going on.  He had said we were “Best Friends” and best friends talk, don’t they? I guess this means we’re not going on that cruise he talked about (I’m being sarcastic now.)

I’ve begun to move forward on my own.  I’m reading about empty nest syndrome, addressing the 10 pounds I’ve gained, and thinking about school again.  In other words, I’m looking at what I want to do with this great piece of time I have now.  I didn’t know how bad it was until I wrote it out.  When the contractor quit responding I started writing letters to him, but not sending them, as therapy.  When you put it all on paper it’s hard to hide from.  Plus I had a friend that I was confiding in that was totally removed from the situation.  And most of the work in the house is beautiful. 

The first two months were as they should have been.  Then my brother came down to check them out .  He said they seemed like good guys and left.  After that I told the contractor how lonely it was when they left on Fridays and he said “It doesn’t have to end there.  You can come over to my house for dinner and we’ll go on a cruise in October.”  He never mentioned visiting his house again, and the following Tuesday when I called him he said he was at his girlfriend’s parents drinking beer.  That’s the only time he slipped and called her his girlfriend.  When I asked him if she was any other time he either didn’t answer or said “supposedly”.   The entire time they were at my house I have never had a cup of coffee, a meal or ridden in the truck of that contractor.  It’s always been business - though we talked many times of going to a casino, going out to eat, etc.  Anyway, when he started suggesting personal time together that’s when I got a crush on him and the relationship changed, though we never did anything.   I was going to work and they kept business hours. They would disappear at 5 and over the weekends - just like married men.

 The first two months he was on 24 hour call for any of my problems, then he assigned one of the cousins, and now - well, it’s over and time to Let Go and live my own life. I’ll get my money, pay off the credit cards and hopefully be a little wiser.  

Tags: Admin Comments by netwoman666
8 Comments »