Suggestions for Single Women Handling Contractors
1. It’s a professional relationship for them, though it feels deeply personal for you since it’s in your home – keep a professional distance
2. No physical contact, no hugs
3. No long personal conversations
4. Try not to get caught in your underwear, or leave personal clothing lying around
5. Go to a hotel if you can and if you don’t feel the need to supervise
6. Don’t sleep with the contractor or crew
7. Realize that they’re being professional and polite to the client so any compliments or opinions are influenced in that manner
8. Don’t loan them any money or hire their relatives
9. Visit your own friends and have them over when the contractor isn’t around. Keep a life of your own.
10. When the contractor leaves, let go. Don’t try to make the relationship personal no matter what was said at the end of the project. Realize that their livelihood came from you so any personal relationship was influenced by money. You may or may not be friends, just like you have to be friendly to coworkers you don’t like.
…More Suggestions for Single Women Handling Contractors
1. Don’t hang out at their office or next job, even if they invite you.
2. Don’t mistake professional courtesy for a deep caring for your personal problems.
3. Don’t use the crew as girlfriends or psychologists
4. Don’t gossip with the crew about your lovelife
5. Don’t attend their family functions, even if they politely invite you; Don’t assume you’re a member of the family
6. Don’t date the crew’s relatives if they are a family-oriented business
7. Don’t start working for the contractor, i.e., doing gratis computer work while the contractor is working for you; Don’t create a project to remain part of the company when they leave
8. Don’t put up with sexual harassment and mistake it for flirting
9. Don’t sexually harass the crew
10. Don’t schedule your day around the crew’s work schedule. Observe, relay your wants and opinions to the lead contractor and get out of the house if possible.
11. Don’t introduce the crew to your 19 year old daughter as if they’re good friends or family
12. Don’t assume you can trust anyone the crew says they are related to without checking out that individual yourself – it could be cousin Joe fresh out of jail
13. Don’t try to become one of their culture – hang on to your own individualism, set your own boundaries
14. Don’t let them bully you into buying more than you want to – such as another extension of a fence that would cost you 3000, but they say would make it “perfect”
15. Hang on to your house; don’t let them take over and call it their house because they’ve done so much work there
16. Don’t go to their parties – unless you want their women to confront you because they’ve talked about you so much
17. Get professional counseling for your psychological problems such as loneliness from empty nest syndrome; don’t use them as your surrogate family from 20 years ago
18. Don’t tell them how much you spend on the things you own, they may think you’re rich and they’re entitled to part of it, even if you worked 35 years to get where you are
19. Listen to your male friends and family’s advice about protecting yourself – they are the ones who love you and will be there long after the contractors have moved on to their next projects (and they understand men better than you do!)
20. Talk to at least one independent male friend about conversations that occur and things they say that you don’t understand; Don’t keep secrets “to protect the contractors” and don’t tell the contractors about that independent male friend – if they are unethical they will reveal themselves because they’re not afraid of you and they think they are the number one males in your life (but you have that ally who will tell you what’s going on and help you when and if you need it)
21. ENJOY THE PEACE AND QUIET!!! THE CONTRACTORS ARE GONE! YOU HAVE YOUR PRIVACY BACK…have a small dinner party for supportive neighbors or friends.
Your suggestions are very helpful and will save many homeowners from making the same mistakes that I did.
I stupidly tried to be nice and bake muffins and pastries for the construction crew,along with listening for hours about the contractor’s marital and personal problems. I had the idea that they would do better work if they felt appreciated. So, I listened and tried to be his friend HUGE MISTAKE! As a result, I was played like a fiddle. The general contractor played on my sympathy to get pay advances and when that didn’t work any longer, he resorted to bullying and intimidation techniques.
He claimed that he was “throwing in extras” to thank me for my help and for being nice to the crew. He later claimed to a lawyer, that the “throw ins” were actually “change orders” (charged at an exhorbitant rate) and he added an additional $25k on to the price of the house and filed a lien to try and bully the extra out of us and left our house needing $20k in repairs.
We used our life savings and didn’t finance the project. I believe this is what put us at the most risk as he believed that we had deep pockets that he had every intention of emptying!!
He is currently using the courts as a weapon to force the extra money that is not owed to him ! We plan to fight for what is right no matter what the legal costs!
Here is some advice to add to your list:
If you don’t have to finance your construction project, do it anyway . Take out a construction loan then pay it right back.
WOMEN ESPECIALLY ARE AT EXTREME RISK TO LET A CONTRACTOR KNOW THAT THEY HAVE ANY MONEY! THEY WILL WANT MORE YOU CAN COUNT ON IT!!
The problem I had as a single middle-aged woman undertaking a rather large remodeling project was nothing like yours. Fortunately I learned that lesson during several remodels when I was married. My problem was that they thought I was either stupid or naieve and antime I complained about something not being done correctly, I was labled as being “too picky”. Fortunately, I kept a daily journal concerning this last project along with tons and tons of pictures just in case. In one instance, my contractor became irate when after several failed attempts to repair a ceiling that they had mistakenly put joint compound on, I called in an expert for an opinion as to what could be done to repair it along with how much it would cost. I sent my contractor an email with the information. He wrote me back telling me that I had told him it looked good and that now I was saying that it looked like “crap” and that the job had taken longer than he expected and had turned into a big headache because I kept changing my mind, that nobody wanted to come back to my house because they had been here so many times…….you get the picture. Like I said though, I have a journal and pictures documenting the entire process. I emailed him back stating that I had never said the ceiling looked “good” but better than the last thing they had done to try to fix it and that if I had ever said it looked good, then why had I asked him to send his guys out to fix it so many times. My second question, accompanying a picture of the ceiling, was….would you honestly want a ceiling that looks like this in your OWN home? He sent someone out the next day and now it’s been restored to it’s original beauty. It just irks me to no end that because I’m in my mid-50’s and single that some of these idiots think we’ll fall for anything and take them at their word. I’m probably going to be sued by a sub because I refuse to pay for the substandard work he did on a small project. I wish I could sue him first, but I haven’t found any grounds legally to do it yet, so at this point, my only option is to report him to every agency invlolving his business and counter-sue if he refuses to deduct the charge. It’s not about the money, it’s the principal. The floor looked fine to him!!! Well, DUH!!!! And then it was….well, they were in bad shape to begin with. See where I’m going with this? I love having a forum to expose these jerks and if my bill isn’t adjusted, I won’t hesitate to list him and his company along with the entire story of how unprofessional and unethical he is.